UNFINISHED CONVERSATIONS at the Women’s Shelter -- JoAnne Growney

A woman, a spaniel, and walnut tree,

The more you beat them, the better they be.

                                   

Yeah, I'm Amy.  This-un on my lap is Sharon, almost two.  Josh, there sleeping - six months.  You won't believe what my man did to me.  Picked Gramma's rocker, hit me with it.  These bruises on my arms, worse in spots you can't see. What'd I do?  Tried chicken - like Mona, my neighbor, makes it - with lemon juice and pepper, called it the usual, his Ma's way.  One bite - he threw it at me, grease on my red blouse I'd wore for dinner.  He said DON'T EVER EVER EVER FUCK WITH ME AGAIN.  He don't know what fuck is.  Always doin’ a head trip on me.  He said I'LL GO AND TAKE THE KIDS.  I said, you can't take care of them.  He said I CAN, MY MA WILL HELP.  I said she won't, she likes me. He said NO, SHE CALLS YOU SLUT, picked the rocking chair and crashed it on the TV I watch too much.  Three tries to break and then he took the rocker arm and hit across my back and hit and hit and hit.  If I cried, mebbe he'da quit.  He breaked to catch his breath - I ran.  The kids into the bedroom.  He locked us, took the car, but I climbed out the window, grabbed the diaper bag, called my sister.  That two hours ago and here I am.  Hope he's okay and not too worried.  I should phone him.  I didn't leave a note.

                             * * *

                 Everything I do is covered

                 with a thin layer of obedience.

                 I owe him because he loves me.

                             * * *

            Lady bird, lady bird,

            fly away home.

            Thy house is on fire,

            thy children all gone.

                                   

I'm Lou.  In school it was Betty Lou -

which I hate.  I get Elizabeth Louise

when Ma is angry or my therapist

thinks I'm bullshitting.

I'm in Hell.  Look at my face. 

Below the neck I'm gorgeous. 

No one believes I'm thirty-five. 

But my cheeks sag - I could cry.

I made good money in real estate till his lies

cost my job.  See these pictures.  Amanda beside me -

we look like sisters.  Now he has custody. 

No one wins against a man and his friends in Allentown.

I don't stand straight, smoke too much. 

But I paint my fingernails.

It's important for a woman

to have nice hands.

* * *

The peacock spread

his brilliant tail,

pranced up and down

before a crane and mocked

his plain plumage.

The crane protested

with a question --

is it better

to strut in the dirt

and be gazed at

by patrons of the zoo

or to fly

above the clouds

as I do?

                       

                                    * * *

                

    

            Old MacDonald had a farm.

            Eee-eye-eee-eye-oh.

            And on this farm he had some cows.

            Eee-eye-eee-eye-oh.

                                               

I need

            escape.  I've sat

            too many years at this desk,

            counseling women who behave

            like cowering, domesticated animals.

I see

            Holsteins chew their cuds, amble

            across the carpets, tease calves

            with udders drained

            by morning milking,

            watching with one eye

            for the barn door to reopen.

I should

            feel sympathy

                        for three shorn Merino ewes

                        who shiver,

                        crowd together,

                        miss their lambs,

            pay attention

                        to the filly - with a mouth

                        that sags from savage bits -

                        when she shows pictures

                        of her racetrack honors,

            admire

                        the Leghorn when,

                        to save her egg,

                        she cackles

                        in another hen's nest.

These dams

ignore my advice.

Their mirrors

show them eagles

who will fly to freedom

when the wind

changes direction.

                 * * *