That wasn’t the plan

T. McCabe

September 2011

The subject this month is near and dear to my heart.  ‘That wasn't the plan’ seems to be the organizing principle of my life. It was not only the case that my life direction and events were not planned, they in fact were exactly the opposite of what I thought was my plan.

When I was young I had two pronounced fears -- -- they were palpable and visceral. One fear was of being in the business world. The dishonesty and under handed dealings seemed treacherous and something I did not want to deal with -- -- it seemed like a very cruel and uncaring environment and I heard many stories of good people getting crushed.

The second visceral fear was a public speaking. I would almost break out in a cold sweat watching other people at the podium. I couldn't imagine handling stage fright and I was certain this would be the absolute last thing I would ever do. I did notice, however, identifying with the speakers and searching for the fitting and appropriate word -- --   I thought I often found the more suitable phrase or wording.

Not only were these galvanizing phobias but I took no academic course work and had no training at all in either business or public speaking. By now you've figured out where my career took me -- -- right in the cross hair of what I feared the most -- -- I owned my own business and gave frequent public presentations.

I never really learned the nuances of running a company. I made it successful by making the profit margins so ridiculously high that I never had to bother with the detailed planning of cash flow or concern myself with taking a loan. I always had a certain form of stage fright but the message I carried and was committed to was bigger than my fear -- -- somehow I rose above my fear. The fear of my business failing usurped the fear of public speaking.  More so,  I focused on the dream of my business succeeding and that inspiration swallowed up any fear of public speaking.

The principle here is to latch onto a bigger dream with more energy and more force than the power of your fears. It wasn't like I overcame my fears; it was more like the dream superseded them -- -- they were never conquered, they just took a backseat.

Synchronicity played a huge role in my life. I did have several plans but they were replaced by the synchronicity and good luck of meeting other very successful people, and in some sense emulating their success. I had several conversations with people that were leaders in their field and they became defacto mentors – there were only a few encounters but that’s all it took. Surprisingly they were delighted to describe their path to success and enthusiastically encouraged me to give it a go.

My latest ‘not the plan’ experience was an intentional redirection. In November 2010 on a flight home from Greece it struck me that I had let my life get flat and hollow. I use lists all the time and always have a ‘ to do’ list at hand. So I started a ‘never do’ list of the things I never do --- made myself write down stuff I never do and have never done.  I came up with about six items --- things I never do but a person like me might well do.  Not a bucket list, more like a blind spot list.

Then two interesting things happen. First I got a phone call out of the blue about going to a retreat; to which I gave the same knee jerk answer I always do --- ‘no, I don’t do retreats’.  After I realized that retreats would qualify for my ‘never do’ list it dawned on me to give it a try. The St Louis Parish September 2010 ACTS Retreat was one of the best experiences of my life.

Second, there are many new things I have been doing off my ‘never do’ list that are turning out just great. It has required dropping a few erstwhile obsessive hobbies – which itself turned out to be a gift.  Another gift is not offhandedly dismissing ideas from others -- I listen more now and frequently hear wonderful ideas that I had been blind to.

All my life has not been 'the plan’; it turned out so much better. And while I appreciate and rejoice the great place not following  ‘the plan’ took me,  I look back at ‘the plan’ and have a good chuckle. If you want to hear God laugh, show Him your plan.